If you have a divorce proceeding or other family law matter pending in New York Courts, there is a good chance you’ll have to make an appearance in court. At least once. And maybe multiple times.
So, “no matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up” [Regina Brett].
Why Does a Judge Want to See You in Court?
A judge doesn’t really want to see you. The court calendar is packed with cases. Judges work hard. The entire court staff works hard. The court would really like you to resolve your case without its involvement.
But that’s not always possible. Issues arise. Negotiations breakdown. Emergencies occur. Or it’s just a routine scheduling conference. Whatever the reason, you’ll be expected to be there.
Judges play a critical role in determining the outcome of your divorce,so you want to influence their thinking as best you can. You can do that by making a good impression on them. That doesn’t mean just wearing a clean shirt or a well-tailored suit and string of pearls. It also means being prepared to answer important questions that they may ask, like, “Why do (or don’t) you want joint custody?”
Beyond how you look and what you say, any time you are in court, you should be respectful to all the court personnel, including the clerks, court officers, and reporters. You never know whether a judge is watching or who will be talking to him or her after you leave the building.
The Players: The Judge, Your Attorney and You
The judge has one role. To make decisions.
Your attorney has one role. To advocate for you.
You have one role. To be prepared.
How to Prepare for a Court Appearance
First, talk to your attorney.
While it depends on the situation, you will be required to attend most court appearances.
We’ve all seen movies featuring courtroom dramas. My Cousin Vinny is a favorite for many reasons, including its fairly realistic portrayal of how some judges act and the respect they demand from the lawyers and litigants in front of them.
There may also be other people in the courtroom. You rarely get a private audience with the judge. If there is something deeply private that you don’t want mentioned in open court, tell your lawyer, and he or she can try to make sure it stays private. Unless you’re a celebrity, it’s very unlikely that newspaper or television media will be there.
Before we go to court with a client, we make sure they know what to expect and whether they may have to say anything to the judge. It’s easy to look presentable and say, “Good Morning.” It may be something else if the judge wants to engage with you on substantive matters, which, while uncommon, does happen. And you want to be prepared for that.
1. General Guidelines for Your Court Appearance in New York
Dress Appropriately
Dress appropriately. For men, a suit or sport coat and tie. For women, a suit (pants or skirt) and formal top. If you’re a father claiming you need a reduction in child support, don’t wear your new gold Rolex watch. If you’re a woman claiming to have lived a well-to-do lifestyle and you are seeking to maintain it, don’t be afraid to wear some of your nice jewelry. Just not all of it. Generally speaking, be aware of the issues in your case and how your appearance could affect them.
Be on Time
In New York City, each borough has several courthouses. Make sure you know which courthouse you are visiting and the address for that courthouse.
Have a plan for traveling to the courthouse. Are you taking public transportation? Driving your own car? Using a ride share service? If you are driving, figure out your options for parking – even before you get in the car. Estimate travel times and maybe add a bit more time for a buffer.
There may be security lines at the courthouse. Your attorney has a security ID for quick access to the courthouse. You will need to go through the public security line. It is similar to security checks at an airport – you’ll probably walk through a metal detector while your belongings will be x-rayed via a conveyor belt.
Hopefully the line is short, and you will get through in a few minutes. But sometimes, these lines can be quite long and take more than a few minutes. It is better to arrive earlier than later. You don’t want to feel rushed or worried that you will be late.
Courthouses can be quite big. To help you find the correct courtroom, make sure you know, in advance, which judge you are seeing – a judge usually has an assigned courtroom, and the court staff can help you find the correct location. Your attorney may even tell you the specific floor and room number for your appearance.
We like to meet our clients at least 30 minutes before we’re scheduled to appear so we can review what will happen and address any last-minute questions.
Speak to your attorney about what time you should plan to be at the courthouse and where to meet.
Be Informed – Know What to Expect
There are many reasons why you may need to go to court during a divorce.
Sometimes, the appearance is fairly routine, like a Preliminary Conference. At a Preliminary Conference, you (with your lawyer) may be scheduling key dates for various milestones and agreeing to the exchange of various information.
But at other times the stakes may be higher. Maybe you and your spouse have a significant disagreement about the time each of you is spending with the children. You may be required to attend a Motion Hearing, at which the judge will listen to the facts and make a decision about how interim visitation will be handled.
Talk to your lawyer about the type of appearance you are attending: what is the purpose, who will be there, what will be presented to the judge, and what is to be decided.
Your attorney can discuss his or her legal strategy for this appearance and what he or she expects will happen. Your attorney can also give you an overview of the flow of the meeting and any participation that might be expected of you.
How to Address the Judge, Your Spouse, and His or Her Lawyer
Yes. In fact, the judge is addressed as “Your Honor.” Or “Judge [last name].” Always be deferential.
With your spouse and his or her lawyer, always be polite. If you’re going through a divorce and you’re in court, it’s likely things have not gone all that smoothly. You would prefer the judge not think you’re the cause of the problem, and since you never know who’s looking, be polite. You don’t have to be more than that, and there may be circumstances, such as one involving domestic violence, where even being polite is going too far. Your lawyer can help you find the right balance.
Speaking in the Courtroom
My best guidance to clients about speaking in the courtroom: “Don’t speak until you’re spoken to.”
This may seem a little severe in this day and age of social media and no holds barred. However, in a courtroom, you are better off not speaking (that includes harumphs, huffs, growls, groans, grunts, and snorts) until you are definitively directed to speak by the judge or your lawyer.
Your lawyer may have a quiet side conversation with you. Or maybe not. But take cues from the judge and the atmosphere in the courtroom about proper courtroom behavior. This is a place where you can never go wrong thinking, “less is more.”
And do not engage in a discourse with your spouse or your spouse’s lawyer (yes, even though you know your spouse is lying and you cannot believe the judge is listening to this and that your lawyer is not stopping this outburst of nonsense).
Your side of the story will be heard.
In a courtroom, the judge rules. Listen to what’s being said during the appearance. And if required to speak, listen carefully to the question. Answer honestly and succinctly, and say no more.
You will have plenty of time to ask your attorney questions and weigh in on next steps. But while you’re sitting next to him or her at the counsel table, do NOT gesticulate wildly or furiously scribble notes on a pad, drawing attention to yourself. Stay calm. There will be plenty of time for you to debrief with your lawyer, and if there is something important that he or she should say in the moment, just lean over and whisper it or write it on a pad and quietly call their attention to it.
Speaking to Your Spouse and Your Spouse’s Attorney
I know I mentioned this in the section above, but it bears repeating.
Do not engage in discourse with your spouse or your spouse’s lawyer. Your lawyer is there to represent you and to seek the best outcome on your behalf. You wouldn’t be in court if you and your spouse could solve everything amicably. Just resist the urge to pounce.
Hallway Behavior
Courthouses are public. Courtrooms are public. Anyone can be in the hallway. Conversations are easily overheard. Just think before you speak in the hallway.
Use of Electronics
In some courthouses (usually Federal), you are not even allowed to bring electronics (phone, tablet, computer, etc.) into the courthouse. They are secured by the front door when you enter.
Most family law matters take place in the Supreme Court or Family Court of New York. Each judge has specific rules for their courtroom. But generally, you should assume that you cannot use your electronics during a hearing. Turn your phone off. Keep your tablet and computer packed away. You will be able to access these devices during breaks. Your attorney may have different privileges regarding use of electronics for note-taking or presentation needs.
Access to Food and Drinks
Assume no food or drinks (except for a bottle of water) are allowed in the courtroom. Before your appearance or during breaks, you may be able to eat the protein bar buried in your bag or get a cup of coffee if there is a beverage and snack cart at the courthouse. Or bring in an egg sandwich from outside – just make sure you eat it, put it away, or pitch it before you go into the courtroom.
No chewing gum.
No unwrapping and eating candy.
Other Courthouse Employees
You will encounter many other people at the courthouse who are not judges or lawyers. These include:
- Security guards – at the entranceways;
- Court officers – in and around the courtrooms;
- Law clerks – lawyers who work for the judges, who may be in or around the courtroom;
- Stenographers – the professionals who type verbatim court proceedings; and
- The Public – remember, courthouses are public, anyone can be there and sometimes there are other people in your courtroom who are uninvolved with your case (your lawyer can discuss this with you).
Be polite to them.
The Courtroom
Back to our movie reference, usually the courtrooms you see on the screen are either quite grand or modern, clean, and functional.
In reality, courtrooms come in all shapes and sizes. They may be huge ceremonial courtrooms with ceiling murals or more modestly sized (maybe even small) with an odd assortment of furniture. There will most certainly be a “bench” for the judge (which could be an elevated seat and desk in front of the courtroom or a more elaborate arrangement) and separate tables for the attorneys and clients, as well as a desk for a stenographer and benches or chairs in the back of the courtroom for spectators and other litigants waiting their turns.
Generally, proceedings are not interrupted, but sometimes court staff will come and go in and out of the courtroom and may even have brief discussions with the judge.
Have Your Lawyer’s Phone Number
Things happen. Make sure you can contact your lawyer. Make sure your lawyer knows how to contact you.
2. A Word About Virtual Appearances
Although they are declining in frequency, virtual appearances are likely to be here for the future in some capacity. That’s a good thing because for many types of court appearances, they are more efficient, which means they are less costly. If your appearance is virtual, you will obviously not have to worry much about the interaction with court personnel and others, but most of the other things discussed above will still apply to some degree.
However, there are other important considerations:
- Speaking: Only one person can speak at a time over video. Wait your turn (if you speak at all).
- Background noise and distractions: Be thoughtful about what appears in the background of your video and what other distractions there may be (i.e., dogs barking, children laughing, television on).
- Technology: Know the technology in advance – how and when to log on, how to turn on audio and video. Maybe take a practice run.
- Be on the call 5 minutes early, just in case the judge is too.
Prepare in advance with your attorney so you can feel confident with this format.
3. After Your Appearance
Great. You showed up. You appeared. After your appearance, take time to de-brief with your attorney.
You and your attorney can discuss what went right, where improvements can be made, any shifts in your legal strategy, and next steps.
Take Action
Divorce is already stressful. The unfamiliarity of court can add to that stress.
The more familiar you are with courtroom protocols, the less worried you need to be about getting it right. You’ll be able to focus your energy and attention on what matters most – the best possible legal outcome for your case.
We’d be happy to discuss your situation with you. Whether you are still exploring the idea or already know that you want to move forward with a divorce or other family law matter, get in touch with us.
If you are considering a divorce in New York, or have another New York family law matter, contact Garr Silpe, PC today to schedule a consultation.