If you think divorce may be in your future, take time to prepare and become knowledgeable about the process and what you can do to contribute to a successful outcome.
The adage “knowledge is power” has never been truer than in divorce. And it’s not just financial knowledge that’s important. It’s also knowledge in the form of self-awareness—for example, knowing your goals, understanding what’s best for your children, and knowing whether you have the emotional support that you need to go through the process if it takes a bad turn.
Divorce, by its very nature, is unpredictable because so much of it is outside your control. You can’t tell your spouse or children how to react to the news that you want a divorce. And often, no matter how gently you deliver the news it’s not well received.
The most you can do is prepare yourself and accept that the process will, with a solid game plan and experienced representation, work out as you had hoped.
Different people require different preparation, but everyone has the same goal. To have a successful and, to the fullest extent possible, amicable divorce.
Success can be defined as your children being as unscathed. Or it can be getting the financial acknowledgment you believe your contributions warranted. Or it might be ending the marriage in such a way that you’re able to see your ex-spouse at your child’s graduation or wedding and smile together at your good fortune on that day.
1. Get Educated About the Process of Divorce
Get educated. Understand what a divorce looks like procedurally from beginning to end. Take a look at our articles on Divorce in New York Part 1 and Part 2.
2. Understand Your Finances
Become aware of your financial circumstances if you are not already.
If you didn’t have one before, consider opening your own bank account and credit card, so you can keep track of your expenses and also have access to credit if things turn ugly.
Learn what your marital net worth is. If possible, sit down with your spouse and discuss it before things get started. You are both entitled to full financial disclosure in the divorce action, and there is no reason not to try to get a head start. The willingness of your spouse to engage in this process voluntarily may give you a good clue as to where you’re headed and may also affect your choice of a lawyer.
3. Review Your Spending Habits
As far as spending goes, don’t stop spending but don’t start spending more either. Now is not the time to increase or decrease your spending habits.
4. Focus on Your Children
Focus on your children and preparing them for what may lay ahead. People often express concerns about the impact of a divorce on their children and discuss the efficacy of “waiting till they go to college.” Rarely do people consider the harm that children suffer living in an unhappy household and the poor role modeling that it provides. Getting a therapist on board before the divorce will be helpful in establishing a baseline for your children and will also give them a safe place to discuss how they are feeling once they hear that their parents are getting divorced.
5. Think About Emotional Support
Consider whether you have the emotional support you need before the process begins and, if not, what you need to do to get it.
6. Continue to Live Your Life
Continue to move on with your life as normally as you can. We all know people who became so invested in their divorce that when it was over, they didn’t know what to do with themselves. You can be fully committed to participating in your divorce and still maintain most, if not all, the other aspects of your life.
7. Keep a Journal
It might be that everything is civil between you and your spouse, and your journal is just about how you’re feeling that day or week. But it may be that your situation takes an unexpected turn and you find yourself in a very contentious divorce and custody fight. So, you may want to keep track of your spouse’s overnight travel to show how little available time he or she has to spend with your children. Or maybe it’s to keep track of things that he or she says to you or the children that you will want to remember for trial.
8. Hire Good People
Lastly, hire good people and let them do their job. You should be invested in every important decision and know what’s going on. But at the end of the day, you need to trust the people you hire and give them the latitude to do their jobs.
Get in Touch
Major life transitions like divorce and other family law matters are challenging.
You can take steps to prepare yourself for divorce, if this is the direction that your relationship with your spouse is headed.
Being confident that you understand the legal process, your financial status, and your emotional situation will better prepare you for the challenges that are likely to arise when going through a divorce.
We’d be happy to discuss your situation with you. Whether you are still exploring the idea or already know that you want to move forward with a divorce or other family law matter, get in touch with us.
If you are considering a divorce in New York, or have another New York family law matter, contact Garr Silpe, PC today to schedule a consultation.